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hawkelf

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Solitary Deliberation

Created on 2004-01-09 14:55:43 (#1835990), last updated 2009-06-23

3,114 comments received, 4,033 comments posted

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1,046 Journal Entries, 52 Tags, 2 Memories, <10 ScrapBook Files, 1 Virtual Gift, 39 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Hawkelf
Birthdate:	08-01
Location:	Udall, Kansas, United States
Website:	RP Cast List

Bio

You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert

This is my sanctuary, my place of whining and lists. Who doesn't have issues? But this is where I talk about mine. It can be silly, boring, repetitive, and contradictory; it's always sincere.

If you wish to friend me, please go here and tell me why. I can be paranoid, and I'm always curious. Do this one little thing and I'll probably friend you.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
-- Aldous Huxley

Some information about myself seems in order. I'm a twenty-year-old artist, spending most of my efforts on photography. I live in Kansas with a cat, a hamster, and a sword collection. I went to college at Kansas City Art Institute straight out of high school, but didn't stay.

In my 'free' time, I play at places like

trans_9,

marvel_mansion,

relativespace, and

dear_multiverse. Go here for a full list of my pups.

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.
-- Stella Adler

Being completely mad, I'm starting up my own business. In the spring and fall I travel and do art shows in the Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska area. There I sell my artwork, though I've also been known to take a commission or two. I'm just starting up and it's a lot of work, but if I can pull this off it's really what I want to do.

However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan

So yes, I do a lot of talking, complaining, and squeeing over whatever I'm working on. It takes up a very large part of my life, in one form or another. I have a lot of self doubt, like any artist, and when I hit a brick wall, I tend to hit it hard. The trick, I'm learning, is to keep pushing through it. The problem is, that's also the hardest part.

Of course, when push comes to shove, I just back off. Roleplaying and fandom at large are my release mechanisms, my foremost hobbies. I spend far too much time in both.

This search for what you want is like tracking something that doesn't want to be tracked. It takes time to get a dance right, to create something memorable.
-- Fred Astaire

I don't want to live here forever, no matter how much I love it. I'd like to eat more good food, have more options for my photography, be able to yell 'screw it!' to the world and just do whatever I want. Too bad that right now I can't and don't, and don't know how to get there. I'm not even sure if I'm on the right path, or if I should try approaching this another way. Maybe I'll end up going back to school, or just putting away the camera and getting a job. I don't know. I'm young, though sometimes I don't feel it, and I have time to figure these things out.